I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
