I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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