thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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