well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Randomize
