he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
