It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
