Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I need moral support for this bender
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
