Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
