how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize