Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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