yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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