Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
