I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
