the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
