i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
