The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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