she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
