Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
