At least make sure they are 18
Why
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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