She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
