She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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