Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
