I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
