Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
