So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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