i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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