Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
