Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize