Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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