Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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