Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
