I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
