I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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