She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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