i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
