So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
