loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize