just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize