Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
My bed smells like the plague
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
