i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
