I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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