Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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