I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
