Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
