May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The feeling are messing with the penis
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
