You made me cry and you don't even care
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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