dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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