The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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