How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
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