I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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