I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
