You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
This is my gift to your gina
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
