I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
