I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
