It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
