Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
