WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
