i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
