evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
