i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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