why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
