The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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