I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
