we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
