I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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