he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
