I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
