i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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