That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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