Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize