i don't like sucking hair
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize