i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
